KWA assignment the night before Christmas

 

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house...

Anticipation for chaos and disappointment descended and filled each room. The traditions of the past and the need to please, weighed heavily on her head. Every year the mad dash to decorate, buy the perfect gift and fill the stockings with special items would crash on Suzy's heart. The circular thoughts of "will they like it, did I get enough, will they feel loved? swirled till she was overwhelmed with dread. And every year she would make the same promise to herself that she would simplify and just enjoy the process. Could and would this year be any different? Suzy had her doubts. She tried to pray and hand it over to the Lord. Praying "Lord I want to celebrate this year in a new way. " Then would come the insidious whispers "what about little Timmys' gift? you forgot the eggnog and you know Kelly hates bagels and lox for breakfast; you messed up again." finally exhausted and defeated, Suzy would usually give in and just settle for another disappointing year. But this time a glimmer arose in her spirit, a twinkle of hope that this year indeed could be different.  She did not know how it could be. Then with wonder the Holy spirit invited her into letting go of people pleasing. Could she learn to be fully present this season? Present to her emotions but not ruled by them. Present to others but not responsible for their responses? Could she find internal acceptance of her short comings and be filled with the Lords full acceptance? Was it even possible she asked herself and finally knew by the power of Christs love all things were possible. Instead of ruminating and looking inward Suzy defiantly turned up the worship music, quieted herself and postured her heart towards her savior. She was learning to sit, be still and receive from him who was the true gift. And as breath after breath became deeper, inhaling the Lord's presence and exhaling the worry, a peace that passes all understanding descended. As Suzy fell asleep that night before Christmas visions of joy and love filled her head.

 

The tape worm of self

 

 

 The tape worm of self

2 Timothy 3:2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,

Philippians 2:21

“For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.”

 

 The parasite of sin.

The eggs laid at the foundation.

Inch by inch

Cell by cell multiply.

Larvae attach deep within.

 oh the parasitic nature of self.

 Full grown worm hardly noticed,

Until freedom is desired.

No easy remedy,

Tugging and pulling in futility .

The impossibility of self-effort.

Only that which cleans completely

can kill the worm of self.

No quick fix,

only in surrender will liberty come.

 

2 Corinthians 5:15

 “And he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.”

Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

What I’m thankful for in this dog gone crazy season

 

What I’m thankful for in this dog gone crazy season

As my time of dripping IV antibiotics every 6 hours for 6 weeks, draws to a close, I am given to pause and contemplate what I have learned and am thankful for in this season.

I have learned to be more appreciative of Allopathic medicine. These past few years has been an eye opener of how broken our medical systems are and how big pharma has emphasized pharmaceuticals and sickness instead of coordinating care in conjunction with the God designed ability of the body to heal as well as wellness via what we put into our bodies. My studies have brought great information but also cynicism and mistrust. This incident of the dog bite and subsequent bone infection has realigned my heart to see the need for all. I am thankful for my general practitioner who moved mountains to make sure the infected finger got addressed by the specialist. I am thankful for Lancaster Orthopedic Group, whose offices (I visited all 3), where filled with smiling, happy staff and a great doctor. I am thankful for, as much as I do not want to admit, pharmaceutical medicine that helped fight the infection. I am thankful for Ephrata Hospital that is still small enough to be personal as well as the caring and loving staff. I am thankful for a fellow OT who knows fingers. I am grateful for my weekly nurse visits to change the dressing. This has been a time of meeting new people and getting to enjoy them. I had so many lovely nurses, I'm humbled by their kindness.

I have increased my understanding that family is important and that it is a microcosm of what community can look like. I am thankful for my husband who has been understanding and attentive. He has stepped up to the plate and dealt with my many moods and exhausted crying session’s. Patiently helping me shower and eating lots of taco fest burritos without complaint. I am so grateful to my adult children who have offered me time, resources and encouragement. I’m filled with gratitude as I think about how they purchased hair washes at my hairdresser. (showering with a PICC line is a whole other topic!) I am thankful for bone broth that one child would make and religiously bring to me to help my gut from all the antibiotics. I am thankful for another kiddo, along with his wife, who would come over and help cook and clean 1 night a week or just cut up my cantaloupe. (The infected pinky made chopping difficult). I am thankful for the child who when the nurse showed up at the house and explained all the details on how to set up my Drips, took copious notes, and talked me off the ledge that first night.  I am thankful for another for regular check in calls and grandbaby chats.

I am thankful for siblings. I am learning that if we can truly appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses we can function as a whole so much better. This season has also been challenging as we have been walking beside our mother as she journeys through Cancer. The ability to text and blow off steam and vent to each other has been a gift. The battle still rages for mom and as a family we are learning to weather it with humor, grace and mercy for one another. I’ve also learned that though inconvenient and not conducive to sleep this PICC line situation is not anything even closely Related to the suffering that cancer patients endure. 

I have learned to better appreciate the friends I have. For walks and talks, for prayers, for texts and just again check ins to help me feel seen during this crazy time. OH, and the flowers.  I am thankful for my many nurse friends who held to the “suck it up butter cup” attitude, it took a while, but I finally understood why they were like” yeah, the scheduled midnight runs of IV drip and 4 times a day sucks, but have you considered the alternative”. Their reality checks helped me to reprioritize.

And although social media is not always my favorite, I am thankful for the “out There” community that sent well wishes and messages. The comfort to sometimes just put your stuff out there is not as good as talking with God and or a dear one, but oddly I have grown to appreciate the catharsis it can sometimes bring in sharing your trials.

 

Silly things I learned and am thankful for…again, although I have read much about micro plastics in our food and environments, I am thankful for press and seal saran wrap. It does a mighty job on covering a PICC line way better than any store-bought cast cover thing. I like cute PICC line sleeves.  I learned how to navigate a drip with my IV in most places, except it does not work in a car while driving home from a wedding but if you have an engineer husband, who can figure out how to set it up, so it works in the car in the middle of a chic filet parking lot, that’s another thing. I am thankful for the timers and the flashlight on our phones so that in the middle of the night, I can see if the IV has finished and be awoken in case I do fall asleep in the middle of it so I can disconnect. I am thankful I am not a young mom again, at almost 60 this middle of the night feedings aka drips really disrupt my sleep and ability to focus.

I am thankful for the local church for a soft-landing place. I am learning that though sleeplessness, fatigue and distractions have impacted my ability to focus on the Lord, He has no difficulty focusing and seeing me. I am learning more how to be still, like literally still for 45-60 minutes each drip. It is still a hard lesson on surrendering productivity. Having a non-functioning pinky on my right and a 10-pound lift limit on my pick arm on the left felt so limiting. The “who am I “if I’m not working or functioning as a full-bodied person question made me feel off balance. (and of course lack sleep added to the situation).  I am also thankful for the lessons learned in the past about the Lord's mercy and grace and about having grace for others. I am thankful for life.

KWA assignment on faith scripture

KWA assignment 6/1/24

What do you need faith for 

Hebrews11:6ESV

" And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. "

It is in the drawing nearby. Draw near to me my daughter. Oh, how I will rend the heavens for you dear one. Be at peace that I am faithful and the mustard seed of faith you have is enough. Don't focus on if your enough. Just draw near to me.  I ask you to also remember, remember who I Am and where I have been and moved in your life. The remembering is exercising and strengthening your faith. Doubt and fear weaken it. I am delighted when you walk and sit with me. My desire, daughter, is for you to know your need for me but also that I am He who meets your needs. Will you come and draw near? Will you lay all your fears at my feet? Oh daughter stop doubting and despising your own heart. Trust that I know you inside and out and love you. all of you> I know your needs and I don't hold anything back based on your performance. I need you to believe that you are my joy. I delight in you and what you bring, so don't hold back. Trust me. I am the God of the intimate but also of the supernatural miracles. Ask not just for the small but dear one ask for the big. I can and want to show you the big. Come and dream for the big with me. I have given you words to share with the world. Will you believe that I can help you get them out and where I need them? 

KWA Devotional the Word

 

 KWA Devotional

6/2/24
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome^[a] it.

The living word living in us

 

 

The Logos of life, from before time began

Words speaking forth all existence

Rhema emanating from the one who knows the plan

Word of God coming alive

Words shared in verbal history

Words spoken to the scribe

Words given to uncover mystery

Words forming new life

The living word living in me

Words being given voice

Words that set captives free

Words that give choice

The musician’s words poured forth in song

The poetic word a personal psalm

The Spoken word preached hard and long

The bloggers word providing healing balm

The encouragers’ words helping others along.

The prophet’s words making others strong.

Kingdom words coming down

Words so needed for our world

Release of heavenly words where truth is found.

 

Do you believe you were born for such a time as this? That the Lord chose to reveal himself to you and that your life is not your own?   Then consider this, If in fact this faith journey, this walking in the way of the Lord, is what you’ve been saved into then we must embrace that he’s called us unto something. First and foremost, it is to seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and to love Him with all your heart and soul. As scribes for the Lord and as keepers of his word, can we believe that he has called us to worship him through our obedience in pouring forth his heart through our written words. The Lord is the living word living inside of us, he is also the fierce Lion of Judah roaring. Can you hear the invitation to be strong and courageous and release the words he has spoken personally to you? This is challenging for many of us because it may seem like what we have to say isn’t enough or that we might be required to write a novel. I believe its more a matter of listening to the father’s heart and letting him pour through our fingers on to the paper.  The what, when, and how your words are to go forth are to be placed back into His hands.

Lets take some time and ask the father for what’s on his heart to be written  or perhaps ask for the when and how or just ask for the boldness to step out and go for it ?

The Lord spoke this to me several years ago with regards to speaking in front of people I want to encourage you too

 

"out of your heart speak"
"Your heart and mine, intertwined"
"declare my heart in this place"
Continue to relinquish the need to please
"Trust the words of the one who resides inside'

 

Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Proverbs 18:4 “A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook.”

 

Marking our houses with the blood of the Lamb

 I was recently brought back to remembering the first Passover. Both Israelites and Egyptians experienced the first few plagues. They were in the midst of a move of God who was about to bring a new freedom, but all experienced the initial turmoil. The first three plagues affected both Egypt and Isael.  Then the Lord makes a distinction between them with the latter plagues. When the Lord told Moses to have them prepare the Passover lambs and mark their doors, they were also to share the Passover meal with their neighbors, and those who were without the lambs. They stayed in their homes not to step out or look at the devastation of the angel of death. And in that time, when death had passed over, they were given treasures and abundance to help them on their journey through the wilderness. As I listen to Wanda Algier, and many others who are speaking of the times to come, the trials of this age, I cannot, but think that we the church are similar to the Israelites in Egypt. As we await our deliver, there will be afflictions and trials, some we will be saved from and ultimately as we mark our doors with the blood of the lamb will be saved. And when we come out, we will come out as one people, the church as one, even as Israel went out as one. They were a slave nation without real identity, but they came out of Egypt as one tribe.
As they traveled and moved, they followed so dependently and close to the presence of the Lord. The Lord their God was their cloud by day, and the fire by night, with which they moved and depended on.AS we move into more chaotic times in this age, I know that we will have our own tribulations. We will also go through many plagues but as believers we also will at some point be differentiated from the world.  When the Israelites were told to prepare a Passover lamb and mark their doorposts, they were also instructed to invite those around them who did not have their own lamb. To provide covering for others. We to as the church are to invite and cover those without the lamb's blood. Whether spiritually or in the flesh we can share the covering blood of Jesus.  

Dreaming for and with God

 

Dreaming for and with God

 

KWA Assignment

2/6/24

Dream Big with God. What would you want to do if you could do anything you imagined.

Wow! What a question, today this hit the mark. My heart jolted and then almost crashed with the weight of this. In the KWA meeting a testimony was given about a woman who declared her desire to be a published author. She threw a dream out, and with the Lord and her obedience, has achieved the publishing of several items. Some were what I now know as low content books which opened the possibilities up for me even more. The intimidating task of writing a novel or children’s book always shut my heart down. Story telling is not my gifting but exhortation and calling people to Jesus through words and images now that I love to do. To dream, to trust once again, to put desire out on display, that is a risk I often shy away from. This feels daunting yet the invitation is clear, speak up and move forward or let things turn stagnant and die. I would love to have a book or books of my poetry out in circulation and the ability to share and speak those words to others. So here it is as best as I can try to articulate… To be able to move others hearts into healing and closer to the Lord through my words read and spoken.